So today I am practicing. I have two things that’s going down today that I worry about. Are they something to worry that much about? Maybe not. Intellectually I realize that, but then other things take over – the gremlins in my head steps in and throws it all out and decides that it’s going to be horrible!
I’m trying to balance my emotions between recognizing/leaning into them and not get into the hole “why I should be afraid and who’s fault it is”-deal. And not numbing anything in the process. Not numbing things is a bitch! 🙂 (I live my life according to Brené Brrown, as you will see.)
Okay, in the spirit of being honest, here goes then. At 11 today I have a doctors appointment. I have decided that it’s highly likely that I will get the news of my imminent death. Since I feel perfectly fine. Makes complete sense. But I went to the doctor last week since I was a bit worried and wanted the medical community to calm my gremlins down.
The doctor goes “Yeah, it’s probably something… Do you want antibiotics?”
“Well… Can’t we check what it is first?”
“If you want… Otherwise you can get the antibiotics.”
Me slightly confused: “No, I don’t just want to eat antibiotics. I want to know what it is first.”
“Okay, it’s going to cost you a bit more though…”
So today I’m going back for the results. Don’t get me wrong, if I need antibiotics, I will eat them. But I’m not just going to submit my body to antibiotics if I don’t have too. And today I feel fine. Maybe I have something very sinister that hides and is pure evil. Or whatever it was cured itself without antibiotics. I kind of also wanted to make a little bit of a point. “Yes, you have to work to find out what it is, you will not just throw antibiotics at the problem and think it’s going away. I won’t let you!”
Moving on to the next problem. Later today, I have agreed to go to a fit club with a potential client. I have never met this client, the fit club I have signed us up for is not one I have attended before, and I only know the girl running them briefly, even though she is nothing but very nice and welcoming. So problem number 1 – I have to go somewhere I haven’t been before. Which means driving while checking my GPS on my phone at the same time. Parking – have no idea! Then I need to seem like I know what I’m doing with my client and… It’s a lot of things that can go wrong and be stressful. And if there isn’t I will make them up! I think I might stress more about this then my idea of my imminent death, I mean, at least I know where the health clinic is…