Mind over matter

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So, lets go into my mind, shall we? You don’t have to, sometimes it’s a weird place for sure.  Go and check some links with Brené Brown instead and come back another day.

I’ll give you a little bit of a run through of what have started all of this.

About a year ago I had lived in Ethiopia for about five months. And had another three to go. I had what on paper was a well payed, high status job, working for the Swedish Embassy.  I hated it passionately. Every fiber in my body was rebelling the situation. I had reached the end of the line of what I could take in this kind of position. I didn’t really know what to do instead, or how to “fix it” – I just knew I didn’t like it. But as much as I didn’t wanted to be in Ethiopia – I didn’t want to go home to Sweden either. There were a reason I’d left and the mere thought of it sent me (and kind of still do) into an anxiety attack. I can’t handle the darkness and cold of Sweden, my body literarily tries to go into hibernation. And the sensation that I was out of a country or a place to call home – was extremely stressing. Nowhere could I return that I liked. That feeling is horrible.

My saving angel? My life coach. (I’ll ask her later if I’m allowed to use her name.)

One of my friends asked if I would be interested in trying this “life coach-thing”, she was going to since she didn’t know what to do with her life either, and I thought that it sounded alright. No therapy shit, you know, more hands on advice in the style of “write a better resume you lazy ass” and “if you buy this really cute dress you’ll rock any interview”. Oh my how wrong I was! But it has opened my eyes, it has changed my life. It’s still a journey (probably will always be) and I have so much to learn about myself and about life. But now I am so exited about it!

I managed, I’m still a little bit fussy about how exactly, to get myself through the last three months in Ethiopia. Barley, might I add, just barely. If I didn’t have my coach, my mum and my close friends I wouldn’t have, of that I’m sure. And bribed myself, basically. If you stick it out, you will be able to save much more money – and if you do, you can use that cash to go on a holiday. To Australia. So I asked for a holiday from my job in Sweden – and unpaid leave – to be gone for about three months. And I booked my ticket. I went home to Sweden in the middle of August, enjoyed the Swedish summer, and in September I got on the plane to Adelaide, Australia. Best.Decision.Ever.

Within 24 hours in Australia (I have cousins in Adelaide) I met the guy who is know my boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong here, we didn’t just run happily into the sunset after our first encounter. Hell no! I’ll leave it at that for the moment, and see if I’ll give you more details later, but, still I remember seeing him for the first time, looking into his eyes while greeting him and thinking “There is something about this guy.”

Fast forward 3 weeks, and I was sitting in a room at a backpackers hostel in Sydney with my friend and signing my resignation from my job in Sweden. Making myself unemployed. I thought I’d freak out, have a “what have I done”-meltdown, stress out, receive a but-load of judgement from everyone I know for being incredible stupid… Nothing of that happened. It was as if a 1000 kg lifted from my shoulders. And I realized something – I hadn’t given myself a problem, I had fixed it. Best.Decision.Ever.

But my visa was running out, and I had to leave Australia if I wanted to get another one. In other words, I had no other choice but to go back to Sweden in the beginning of December. I had, Brené Brown would jokingly say “a freakin’ spiritual awakening”, but for sure it was a breakdown. I was in pieces. So much so that I had to start eating anti-depressives to get me out of my dark mental hole I’d fallen in. But you know what – it was good for me, in hindsight. I could check in with my family. I could get everything arranged in Sweden that I needed to: storage of my belongings, insurances, visa cards etc – and getting the visa process done properly. So around christmas I was granted my one year visa, I booked my ticket back to Australia, and in the beginning of January I was back! And – it’s been great to be back! Ever so slowly things are starting to fall into place, relationships, work, fitness… I work kind of hard for it, and I struggle, I struggle a lot to challenge myself to go out of my comfort zone and don’t let my gremlins and my fear decide my life anymore. And with that the possibilities are endless!

So – today I’m going to go out to a shopping center (I need a mascara okay… 😉 ) and wear my “button” that announces that if people want a personal wellness coach, they should come and talk to me. If you’d told me a year ago I would do this, I would have laughed you straight in the face. Have something that makes people talk to you?? That’s just crazy!

 

 

 

 

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