It has been made clear to me – that I do not (always) practice what I preach.
I like to think that I’m on top of my game and see things and will be good at managing situation because I’m good at communicating. Well in theory I am – and mainly to make others communicate with me, that is.
I go to BF: “Comm.uni.cate.with.me, talk to me dude, I can’t read your mind, really just communicate a bit with me so I know what’s going on, this is what I would want to know… ” and so on.
The BF has agreed that communication is good. And that he will try to take it on board as much as he can. And. Granted, he has. Am I happy? Well, maybe not, because he didn’t communicate about what I wanted to know… Did I tell him that? No. Did I have to back down completely about it when I complained about it and he called me on it? Yes.
Okay – so what do I do? Miss Let’s Communicate and everything will magically always be super-duper happy and fun?
I get caught up in my own head space and let my gremlins have a field day. I pack my bag without telling the BF. I grab it and stomp out in the livingroom going “well, I’m kind of leaving now.” Catching him with complete surprise, we had planned to spend the day together. Then, when he asked if everything was alright, I did the girl thing no boyfriend, older than 21, ever will be fooled by and responded with an annoyed: “Yeah, it’s fine!” And got in the car and sped off.
Very good communication skills, don’t you think? Now, you’d think that I a day later would have realized my own wrong-doing. But no. When BF asked about it I tried my out most not to talk about it. It was days later, and him getting a bit frustrated and throwing my own preachings back at me that I realized what I was doing and had to – again – back down and… talk about it. I tried to sort of turn it around and talk about him instead. He wouldn’t have it. And – that is also a bit new to me I think. I don’t think I have been involved with a partner that just stands his ground like this one does. And challenge me to revise, think, admit defeat, and ponder about things and myself a bit more. I think it’s good. Really good.