How I learned to understand all that good advice


How does it go? All the advice?

Off the top of my head I think it is:

-Don’t stress

-Be positive

-Be happy

-Take chances

-Carpe Diem

-Be yourself

-Dare to begin

-Surround yourself with positive people

-It’s ok to fail

-Be stronger than your excuses

-Smile even when you don’t feel like it

-Follow your heart…

And so on. All advice has some point to them of course. I think we all can agree that inn theory we should be happy, be ourselves and don’t stress. Yeah. Right. In theory. Putting these wisdom’s in to practice however – bloody difficult. Almost impossible sometimes I’d say. It’s very easy to say to others that things are going to be alright, that they shouldn’t stress so much about it and if they fail it’s okay. But yourself? Not so much. But even if so, like what do they even, truly, mean? Seriously – carpe fuckin’ diem? How do one do that? And…you might actually think that your own arguments against a certain event/action is very sound arguments and NOT the excuses other people may believe they are.

I always did see myself as a positive person. Just that things happened to me that was hard. You know, maybe not like… actual traumas, but they kind of felt like that sometimes. In some aspects/situations I was a generally bubbly and cheerful person. But that doesn’t automatically make you positive does it? And I had no perspective and could not see that it was how I viewed certain situations that made them that difficult. That I made decisions causing my very own emotional traumas. And after making those decisions stressing so much about them that I’d make myself miserable. But in-between that I was positive about things! So that kind of counts, right? Like, I was positive when I ate indian take out food and when things went my way. Well, no it doesn’t actually count. But it’s not easy to take a step back and really look at a situation and take responsibility for your own actions. And then change your behavior and thought process about your life, emotions and actions. Because it’s so much stuff in the way – things we’ve learnt, society, and all the reasons all those gremlins have taken up residence in your head. You need to just be able to see them (they are good at disguising themselves as healthy thoughts.) and then push past them. That’s hard!

Internally I would often have this kind of discussion:

“Why do I do this?”

“Because I have to. Someone is holding an invisible knife up against my throat!”

“Do you – really – have to? You are just making up that part about the knife, I’m not that stupid.”

“Yes, I do. I have no choice. This is the cards that I have at the moment. I can’t change them. I mean, I’m trying, kind of, but until then this is the situation. I might as well accept it. And kind of also accept that I can’t really change it either, now when you mention it…”

“But do you like it?”

“Well… Parts of it. Sort of. Sometimes. When I come home from my work and eat my indian take out food. ”

In truth I hated it. And had no idea why and how to make it any different. There is where my coach has been my saving angel. Today I much better understand what people talk about when they tell you not to stress, to be stronger than your excuses and follow your heart. Before I had no idea and had this reaction “Well of course I’m going to stress, it’s a VERY stressful situation!” Today I would say: ” I recognize that I really want to stress, but it’s not going to do me any good, I’ll just do my best to solve it and I will breath. It’s far from the end of the world and wouldn’t it be kind of cool with a zombie apocalipze?” And I will close my eyes and breath (if I’m in a good place to do it that is) and imagine hanging out with Daryl Dixon and Michonne. And I can step back, truly analyze myself and my reasons for the things that take place in my head. It’s all in your own internal discussion with yourself. Its got nothing to do with anyone else. Am I doing this perfectly? No of course not. But, that’s okay. Now my internal discussion goes in the lines of:

“Why do I do this?”

“Because… I really like it.”

“I know, but I’m not sure it’s such a good ide, you know, you’re not really making that much money right now.”

“It’s okay. I got it handled.”

“Really, you are not convincing me! It might go terribly wrong.”

“Maybe. But it is okay if it does, you have amazing family and friends who will support you, catch you if you fall. If things go wrong I’ve got a plan for what I’ll do if that happens too. Don’t you worry.”

“Okay, It can still be a really bad decision.”

“Mmm… No, actually it’s not. We are doing this. We are taking the risk, it’s scary, I know, and thank you for making me really think it through, but you do not have the right to make decisions anymore.”

I’m right in making a scary, new, transition right now. My gremlins were – and still are – throwing things at me, arguments why it is such a bad idea. So this morning I sat down with my gremlins and went through ALL of their arguments they had and googled the actual answers to them. They we’re actually wrong on every point. It wasn’t that expensive, other options aren’t much cheaper, it does hold good potential for the future etc. I signed and said: “If I’m not allowed to do anything because there isn’t a guarantee of majorly instant success, then I will not be able to do much with my life am I? So back off!”

And off then went… Well, they took a couple of steps back at least.



2 thoughts on “How I learned to understand all that good advice

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