Trying to move on

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So life is a little bit up and down right now. But it’s sort of okay. Except from the part that I’ve come down with a fever and are totally annoyed that I’m missing classes in PT-school.

I started school yesterday. Apparently my body went: “What? Eeeeeuuu, new germs, no likey, I get sick and avoid it!” Thank you body. I need to do the classes anyway, since they are mandatory, hence I have to go to school in the evening or at a weekend instead to make up for it. Not very nice body. Fucking up a lot of things. Have to re-book clients in the evening etc. Well, not much that can be done about it.

I’m a little bit surprised about how relatively well I am dealing with the heart-break. I’m sad. I miss him. But – I’m not crushed. Like I have been after other break-ups. After other break-ups I have put myself down in a violent matter. Blaming myself, making the break-up into something very toxic in my head, that nobody likes me, that I’m a horrible person and that’s why nobody wants to be with me – and so on…  Making me depressed in general as well, which you know isn’t really helping the situation at all. I haven’t done that now. Which have made such a huge difference. I have a trick I use when I want to go to that space of self loathing. First of all, I’m good at noticing it straight away and number two – I stop it immediately. I say to myself: “If you don’t have anything nice to say to yourself – then don’t say anything at all!” Sometimes it’s hard for me to be positive in those moments, but at least I can stop myself from putting myself down. And it really makes a difference. Now I only deal with missing him, and not with all the other demons. It helps.

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