Got knocked down, by like everything it seemed. My body primarily made an executive decision to not get out of bed it appeared. It was as if I was drowning in my own mind, in all the mess and confusion and problems. But you know what, I’m kicking and kicking to get up to the surface again. I’m good on my way. Sometimes I get dragged down again, I get tired, I might have to stay down a bit to regain some strength – but then I just start kicking again. Eventually I will reach the surface.
The struggle of just getting out of bed, getting something semi-decent to eat required all my energy. But when starting to eat a little bit more healthy – you get a wee bit more energy, and you get around and do a bit more, and you get a little bit more energy… So it’s about slowly turning everything around so you are not kicking in the wrong direction. But also not be so freakin’ hard on yourself if it takes a little time. Be kind to yourself too. Still need to learn that. But the last couple of days I’ve started to feel like myself again, that I have energy and are exited about things again. I was in school today too, and that felt great! And I was so happy that it felt great, and not exhausting. I did it! I could do it! I had gotten into my head that I was too exhausted, that Ethiopia was still messing with my stress levels and that the smallest pressure was not possible to endure, but… That’s probably just my gremlins trying to keep my back. I can do it – I’m not a stressed out wreck anymore. Just because I got sick doesn’t mean I’m not strong and capable. So – today has been a really good day! I’ve proved myself wrong! And my kicks are getting stronger and stronger.