I don’t understand why I have to regularly make a fool out of myself. I don’t intend to. I have no plans to draw attention to myself at all. Quite the opposite! I’m actually not too comfortable being centre of attention. But at school I just endlessly just… keep on messing things up in interesting ways. I offer other people plenty of laughs and I really can’t do much else myself. Like when I mistook the gentlemen’s toilet for the girls. I didn’t notice at all that I was in the wrong place until a guy walked in… I drop things very loudly, I manage to say some weird stuff, like quotes from tv-series or movies no one else have watched and hence they don’t get it at all. I have almost now changed the name of one of our assignments due to the number of times I’ve misspoke about the name. And the list goes on and on. The later in the day the less sense I make. Even to myself. My head goes to another parallel universe where very weird things take place.
Apparently I’m a text-book “I” in personality analysis. Meaning very outgoing, creative, optimistic person who likes to goof around and stuff. I go like “I’m very serious and a perfections and… and… an introvert!” And I used to inbody this, suppressing my inner “I”. Nobody believes me. They believe me even less due to all my colored pens, how I’ve decorated my supplement-box with glitter and rhinestones. Every day I make a promise to shut the fuck up, to behave properly. Because I just get tired of myself. Because I have to apologize or save face or explain myself quite regularly. I have to put my inner gremlins away and make a decision to not take myself to seriously and laugh at myself, not get frustrated. This requires some energy and work from my part. Which I don’t think people realize. And every day I tend to fail and get caught dancing in the hall way by one of the teachers. I guess… I should start getting used to it. And embrace more of a “damage control” in life, rather then just control. 🙂