Stupidity

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I like it when I freak out – and I don’t even realize I do it. Favorite moment, really.

Just happened to put on one of Brené Browns TED talks. Coz, you know, it’s been a while and EVERY SINGLE TIME I do it, I get an epiphany. I’ve listen to them over and over and over. But every time I listen to them I get a new realization about a situation in my daily life. It’s fascinating! Today I almost started laughing at myself. “Of course you stupid! You are freaking out, having a stomach ache and being all kinds of silliness – because you are feeling vulnerable and you HATE it. As from yesterday you now feel vulnerable when before you were guarded enough to still be chillin’ in your comfort zone.”

But for some reason, yesterday, I got kicked out of it – and I freaked. I can’t exactly pin-point the second it happened, but the over-all day yesterday was probably what made it happen. You see… (and I can’t freakin’ believe I’m even writing this) there is this guy. Let’s leave it there. Now. I know very, very little about him really. I know enough to be attracted to the person he his – but not having a freakin’ clue weather or not he is even single is driving me mental. And I literarily have no chance of asking either. It’s actually highly inappropriate if I did. We have been having a bit fun with it – me and my friends. It’s a handsome man (in many aspects), and me and my friends have just been acting silly. Like girls do sometimes. Then yesterday – flip – and I went “Nooo! I don’t actually wanna actually LIKE him! NO! It’s going to end in utter disaster, heartbreak and disappointment. Stop immediately! Please!”

Breathe. Then a bit of Brené. Haha – yeah that’s right. Maybe liking him for real – is making me feel extremely vulnerable. And scared. And vulnerable again. And sick to my stomach to that. So I just kept listening to Brené and kept breathing. And slowly I shifted back. It’s a handsome, intelligent man. Even for a small, fleeting window in my life to have met him is actually beautiful. Always embrace the beautiful souls around you, that give you this good solid energy. In whatever form they come in. And I will handle his fleeting exit if that happens. And just having to have been around him only this briefly is great – and why stress, worry and feel bad about that it might end? When you instead can be glad it’s happened in the first place?

Is it really that easy though, you might think? Well, yes it is. And when it becomes easy, that’s when you can start appreciate the beauty of it.

 

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