I realized that I have sort of missed an anniversary. But not thinking about it – and hence missing it – might be a good sign! So what is it?
Well, I realized that I haven’t travelled for six months! You go: What, but you are in Australia? And, why is that such a good thing?
Explanation: I have stayed in one place, Adelaide, for six months. Me and the BF have gone camping twice, but other than that… not really moved my ass out of town. It was years ago that happened. And if it did happen, it drove me mad. I would just get on a bus or a train somewhere so I at least was in motion, if I couldn’t take the plane to a different country. I was relentlessly, almost manic, planning my next trip, booking, finding travel companions, but if not I’d just go alone. I literally couldn’t stand being home in Sweden, especially not during the winter. I would be craving traveling, restlessly and achy, like a drug addict searching for the next fix. I’d stress out about anything that could be considered as me rooting myself in Sweden: first hand contracts on apartments, permanent job positions. I would not be able to decorate my apartment because… what if I wanted to leave in a weeks time? Stupid to spend money on living in an apartment that you kind of wanted to leave. And no matter how hard I looked, I just couldn’t find a place that was home.
I got restless in Nigeria, looked forward to going back to Sweden, was pleased about being there for about 3 weeks, then the panic set in again. Then I went to Ethiopia and liked the adventure and the that it was something new for about 2 months. Then started to hate it passionately. At that point I got very frustrated with myself. What more could I ask for? I was traveling, packing/unpacking, all the fucking time! Back home to Sweden, stressed out, down to Australia. Only started to calm down just a little once I quit my job. I didn’t have to go home anymore, I wouldn’t be in breach of my employment contract. So I stayed on a bit longer, until my visa forced me to go home to Sweden. Almost getting an anxiety attack when being dropped at Stockholm’s Airport early December, where the sun sets around 2 o’clock in the afternoon…
But now, I have been happily hanging out in the same place for six months. Not even reflecting about it. Don’t get me wrong, it would be fun to travel somewhere, but I don’t have to travel to keep my sanity. It’s pretty good just staying here too. I’m content in a way I haven’t been for years and years. Kind of found home – and myself. Finally.