Sometimes I just drive myself mad. Literally. It’s exhausting, because I know that what I’m doing are maybe not perfectly rational or very healthy, but I can’t stop it once it’s started. But I would say at least I can identify what is happening. Good enough, right? 😉
My brain is kind of going “Sorry, I’m doing this and you are just going to have to tag along for the ride! Have fun, because I’m off now!”
It’s a bit of a consequence of my decision to try to live in the present, to not forbade joy, just go all in and feel regardless of the potential outcome. And when I feel that all my investments, and jumping without no emotional safety net, might have been a bit too risky, a bit too optimistic – I panic. And eat two bags of candy and a box of biscotti. At least I stayed away from soft drinks and/or alcohol… Always something. Then I spoke to my mum and everything was kind of fine again. And I had to work out as a “punishment” for my excessive emotional eating – and to get my endorphins going as another cure to my crazy. My emotional eating is just very obvious to me, however it’s not something I can really control at the moment. I think I might be having this internal discussion with myself.
-Are we really going to buy all of this candy?
-YES WE ARE! DON’T MESS WITH ME RIGHT NOW!
-Wouldn’t it be good to maybe… limit it at least? I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t buy anything, but maybe not two, rather large, bags of candy and one box of biscotti? You know, normally, you really like dates…
-YOU DON’T WANT ME TO HAVE ANY HAPPINESS IN MY MISERABLE LIFE DO YOU?! THIS IS ALL THE ENJOYMENT I HAVE!
-But…
-AND WE JUST WALKED PAST THE CHOCOLATE WITHOUT GRABBING ANYTHING! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?
-I, but, well… Okay then…
Who can argue with that?
The Daring Journal 